Willing to put my life at risk for the greater good as usual, I decided to enter an idiots gathering facility on a saturday evening. I could easily spot the place as the 2 meter large screen of the idiot producing machine was advertised from the other side of the city.

I stopped by around ten in the evening after spending the last three weeks in intense and solitary meditation. As soon as I opened the door, I congratulated myself for this thoughtful preparation. Idiocy hit me like a hurricane on New Orleans’ unprotected harbor. To my ear it sounded like “Asshole-Yes-We’re the best-Pass the ball you stupid-Son of a bitch-Shoot but shoot-Yeaaaaahhhh-Oooooooohhhhh”.

After careful consideration, I decided it could be some kind of language still to be uncovered by science and tried to open a two-direction channel with one of the members of the crowd.

“What is this?” I asked separating the words to increase my chances of being understood.

“Footballyoustupid” He grumbled before the idiot producing machine hypnotized him again.

As I was then unable to get any syllable from the idiots producing machine followers, the rest of this text is baed on observations and wild guesses.

From what I could understand, Footballyoustupid is a group therapy for ball kicking addicts who pass for idiots even among idiots. The mentally ill people gather on a field in groups of a size that appears to be anywhere between 3 and 50 (exact number couldn’t be collected due to the fact that the sicks keep running around the field). So each of the member of the group is given several millions of euros per month so he can kick a ball but there’s a catch. There’s only one ball on the field. So all the diseased rush after the same ball. With the help of idiots producing machines around the field and around the globe, idiots can cheer (that they call their mooing) to some psychologically weak people hitting a ball.

Footballyoustupid being a way to heal people, every time one of the cerebrally disordered person progresses toward the condition of normal idiot he falls as the shock of grey cells connecting overcome him (strangely enough though, their brain seems to be located in their ankles as they touch it every time they roll on the grass). The main psychiatrist (dressed all in black that’s how you can tell) then blows the whistle and gives him the ball back. The reason for having somebody who’s working on losing his ball kicking addiction to kick in a ball again de to the high risk of death in case of total and immediate weaning.

Footballyoustupid counts among the greatest weapons of the idiots producing system. For some reasons I have managed to uncover yet, a wave of pure idiocy spread around the field and among the people watching the therapy on the idiot producing machine when the ball hits one f the net present at each of the field.

In case you face Footballyoustupid unprepared, my best piece of advice would be to gulp down spirituous drinks regularly as long as the event lasts (it seems alcohol protects you from the radiation of idiocy). They are several reported cases of smart people who actually survived an entire Footballyoustupid session with the help of only a few beers and came out with relatively undamaged brains.

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Saturday night idiots' gathering

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